Meditations for the Chronically Ill
By Joni Woelfel, copyright 2007, all rights reserved
This book is dedicated to The Two J's:
My sister, Julie Arvold, a cancer survivor
And to the memory of our friend, Julie Sonstegard
In fighting illness we have to brace ourselves against what is happening and try to force something else to happen. Fighting is by definition a struggle, combat, belligerence. The energy that is spent on fighting illness or anything else depletes us of the very resource we need for healing. In fighting, we take a stance against the illness, we make an enemy out of it. (Some visualization therapy has included envisioning little soldier cells fighting and defeating the bad cancer cells and some say this has been effective). But I believe that participating with healing means that we believe in the homeostasis of the human body.
That is, our natural tendency to move toward health and wholeness. When Jesus said, "Your faith has healed you," I believe this is what he was referring to: our faith in the ability of our mind, body, and spirit to heal spontaneously. It doesn't always mean that the actual illness goes away, but that we are able to live with it in peace once we have done all we can do to treat it with the appropriate medications and therapy. Participating in healing does not mean that we acquiesce to the demands of the illness or that we are resigned to our fate. It means that once we do our best to open ourselves to the healing process and cooperate with it (diet, meds, exercise, spiritual connection, etc), we then give it purpose and meaning and make the best of it on a day to day basis. (Used with permission, to be continued.)
Illness has a language all its own. It is woven through our doubts, nightmares and in the ember that keeps us going when times are tough and wrenching. Optimism speaks through illness when we have reached what we thought was the end of our rope and says, "have a little faith." Illness has a vast, complex language---and only those who know illness intimately become fluent in it.
I have written of illness for over twenty years, beginning when I was a young wife and mother. All these years later, I have become familiar with the accompanying wisdom that also speaks: be open, be mindful, be relaxed, trust in God's design for your life. As we loosen our tight fists of resistance to the pain and sink into it, illness speaks through the life and breath in our bodies.
Illness teaches that our bodies are like shells found on an ocean beach. They may seem hollowed out during times of suffering---but really, the boundless, immense presence of God echoes within every cell, uplifting and drawing our pain into the reality of divine comfort and reassurance. The personification of wisdom through scripture resonates with imagery. "Go within," she says, "say your prayers, let go of masks, immerse yourself in grace and the companionship of God. This, too shall pass." Illness speaks of impermanence, possibilities and the fact that nothing stays the same. We never know from one minute to the next what insight, relief or inner or outer healing might happen.
When illness and wisdom converge, the result is that the eyes of our hearts are opened in ways we never could have imagined. Through hindsight, we understand James 3:17, "But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits." To yield means to surrender or give oneself over to. This does not mean that we aren't assertive, but that we expand our mindset beyond the singular core belief that illness is emphatically our enemy that we must fight. We are asked to actively participate in seeking health and healing on one hand while ceasing to suppress inner wounds, false ideals and beliefs that aren't working for us. While our treatment may at times be described as aggressive, in our hearts, we can remain at peace and at one with God.
As our friend Julie so earnestly said, "Hope can never be false." Neither can the true dialect of illness, which bonds all who live it with enduring ties. Life in the body is a sacred miracle. This is never more apparent, appreciated or realized than when illness is present and wisdom speaks. My friend, Dr. Robert Thompson further explains, while false hope can be a form of denial when faced with what we believe to be the inevitable---when it is too overwhelming to think that we might not get better or that we might even die---we naturally feel the initial need to shout "We are going to beat this thing." However, in the end, whether we are facing a chronic illness or a terminal illness, as he and Julie both believe and Bob writes, "when we place our body in the hands of a good and caring healer and our spirit and soul in the arms of God" we have found the path to true, lasting hope.
Through this book's scripture verses, diary entries, reflection questions, thought for the day and affirmation statements, may your own illness speak to you.
May you be gifted with the language of hope, wisdom and comfort in ways you never knew were possible. May divine presence and consolation lovingly resonate in your life. -Joni
Note: Joni Woelfel has had Meniere's disease (www.menieresinfo.com) and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (www.cfids.org) for many years and is officially disabled. The quotes for this book are favorites of Joni's, carefully selected from literally hundreds of her articles and six books. Those not referenced are from her unpublished journals, correspondence and articles, noted with an asterisk. *
Week One
1. An Invitation
2. The Power of Inch by Inch
3. No Holds Barred
4. The Three Go Hand in Hand
5. Rebirth
6. You Can Only Change Yourself
7. Why We Wait
Week Two
8. What It All Means
9. Shaken Faith
10. Mortality As A Mentor
11. Saying No With Love
12. Believing
13. On Being Rescued
14. Why Were You Born?
Week Three:
15. Grandeur of Joy
16. To Fight Or Not to Fight
17. Letting Go
18. Finding Your Voice
19. A New Normal
20. Once I Was Blind
21. What Doesn't Kill You
Week Four:
22. The Staircase
23. God Speaks
24. That Which Glows
25. Yes With Love
26. Finding the Balance
27. Divine Intervention
28. The Heart Knows
Week Five:
29. Wishing
30. Bad News
31. The Daily Journey
32. Making Room for Vitality
33. All's Well That Ends Well
34. Interdependence
35. You Are Not Your Illness
Week Six:
36. Honoring All
37. Pilgrim's Progress
38. Diffusing Pain
39. Hope's Barometer
40: The Joy of Well-Being